Friday, April 16, 2010

R2P2D1-Loading

Current Weight 160.3
Daily Gain .9 -prior to loading :(

Not feeling well today, so it wasn't as fun loading as I hoped...at a burger and lots of fries, ice cream (about 1 cup and a half), half a cookie, 6 inch cheesesteak sandwich, a handful of granola, and 8oz diet mountain dew (1st time Ive drank that in about 3 months!...need to keep myself awake for the the next 4 hours). Im leaving in 1/2 hour for my girls weekend, and Im bloated, have a headache, and really not looking forward to the 2 hr drive.  Despite that and the weather calling for rain and 50 degree temps, I am determined to have a good time! 

I am not bringing my scale, so its going to be the first time since Jan 7th that I havent weighed myself every day.  I am bringing my workout clothes and shoes, though, since I do not plan on giving up on my routine. 

Hope you guys have a great weekend!  Ill check back in on Monday...

ps-mixed and took my shot like a pro this morning...

Thursday, April 15, 2010

R2P2 Pre-Measurements and Pics


R2P2 Starts Tomorrow!

Current and LIW 159.4
Food Tracker
Exercise: 2hrs walking 18min/ml pace

Only 1230 calories yesterday, but no loss today.  Maybe too much sodium?  Maybe too much walking?

Last night I was upset when I got home from work.  Not because of anything that happened at work, it was a usual day.  Hubby was off yesterday, and I encouraged him to go play golf or do something fun and relaxing, and when I got home I realized he spent the whole day doing things around the house...and you think, great, thats awesome, Im so glad...but for some reason, I got pissed off.  Because he didn't do the things that I wanted him to do.  Things that I am assigned in my own head to do.  So I wouldnt have to do them.  Things like cutting up the vegetables or even putting them in the frig.  Filing all those papers that have taken residence on the chair in front of the computer.  Vaccuming the floor.  Silly things.  Instead, he mowed the lawn, which I didn't think needed mowing.  And he put away the laundry.  Oh, the horror!

And then he said he wasn't going to Budokon..which he goes to every Wednesday, for which he makes me pick up our littlest from school so he can go straight to the gym after work.  How dare he upset the schedule like that?  I know, I was being SO ridiculous. 

So then I thought, cool, maybe we could go out for a family meal since we are all at home at the same time, and I'm leaving Friday night and won't be around for the weekend.  But he brushed off my suggestion.  And then I thought, ok, maybe the whole family could walk over to the littlest's daycare and pick him up.  But hubby was in single focus mode, and wanted nothing to do with it.  So then I thought, ok, maybe Ill take my biggest for a walk in the single jogging stroller, since I have been loving our time together like that lately...and he blew me off too.  And then I wanted to eat, lots of junk, really fast. 

So I left.  I went for a walk by myself.  And I walked, and kept walking, and then decided, it was so beautiful out, and everything looked so pretty, to keep walking.  And I thought out how I was being selfish, and my husband is amazing and helpful, and deserves to live his life the way he likes.  And that I can't control everything, no matter how much I want to.  And then I started taking pictures...which once I figure out how to post my iphone photos on my blog, I will post....and that was fun.  I thought about publishing a book of pictures from town that I take when I am on my walks...I like to dream like that.  And I didnt want to eat for the sake of eating anymore.  And I felt calm again.

By the time I got home, two hours had passed, and I was ready for craving familial interaction.  But biggest was in my room watching TV, littlest just went to bed, and hubby was washing dishes and watching hockey on TV (which I dont like to watch).   So much for interaction.  So outside I went to stretch and lay on the hammock.  And after a few minutes, I came inside, watched a little tv myself, and proceeded to fall asleep before 9pm.  I guess I needed that...though for some reason, I am still tired after sleeping 10 hours!

I feel better today.  Funny, though, that while typing this, I got all worked up again.  But unlike yesterday, when it made me want to eat, it makes me want to cry right now...sorry for the getting the computer all wet. 
Maybe Im ovulating...either way, I need to apologize to my hubby.  And to myself, for all of these years of abuse with food and negative thinking, for making myself think that I need to control others so I can feel in control, for not loving myself with words, thoughts, and action every day. 

Kelly, its ok to feel out of control, to feel positive and negative emotions without having to turn to food or run away.  Its ok, you deserve to feel and look good, you deserve to have a husband who loves and supports you, kids that adore and drive you crazy :), you are good enough.  They will love you no matter what crazy you throw at them...and they will do it in their own way.  I love you, the wild child and the dictator love you, and we are proud of you and your accomplishments. 

Sorry for that emotional crap...I just needed to get it out.  Definitely feeling weapy today.  Tomorrow starts R2 of this HCG experiment.  I'm nervous and excited.  I am going to mix my batch today, then freeze two syringes for my girls weekend.  I'm ready to pig out.  French fries, chocolate shakes, the works...despite the fact that I really don't want to gain anything from loading because that will make getting to 130 this round difficult!  And then back to 500 calories a day on Sunday.  And a new four day win.

Four Day Win #2 Update: Day 4
What I ate: Whipped cream and strawberries
What I believed: I want to eat something yummy even though Im not feeling that hungry.  I need some fat to satiate me.  I still have calories left for my day.
Why it might not be so:  Just because the calories are there doesn't mean I need to eat them.  You are trying to eat only when you are hungry.  If you wanted some comfort, which is the truth that you didn't write above, you could have a nice cup of tea instead of rewarding yourself with food.

Any emotional BS you need to get out?...share it here!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

R1P4D21

Current and LIW 159.4
Food Tracker
Exercise: 1 hr walking 17/mil pace pushing 40lb son and jogging stroller

Right on the money with my calories in matching my BMR yesterday, and look at that, no loss or gain today.  Very interesting...

On another note, if any of you are in Bucks County, would you be interested in finding out more about a Local Foods Co-op that we are trying to create in Doylestown?  If so, please comment and Ill send you details about our Community Information Meetings.   They are being held May 2nd from 2-4pm, and May 27th from 8-10pm.  It will be so great to have a local market open all yr round where we, the community, are the owners, and have a say about what is carried, market hours, vendors, and more....bringing work to our neighborhood and money to local farmers.  It is so important to BUY LOCAL!, if you have that option, of course.

4 Day Win Update: Day 3

What I ate: Sausage and 2 cookies

What I believed: 1) The cookies have been on the counter for a week, they cant taste good, let me just try a bite.  Wow, I was wrong, they do taste good.  Ill just have one (this is while cooking dinner), it cant hurt.  Oh, well, its there, Ill have the other one since the previous one was so good.
2) Im not eating that much sausage.  I only had one link.

Why it might not be so:
1)It wont hurt you, yeah right.  Just think what kind of effect the sugar have on you after you eat the cookie.  Will it cause further sugar cravings, exacerbate your candida. give you a headache? 
2) You had three pieces of sausage, remember?  When you were cooking and then in the house.  And you were so close to being under your calories for the day...and you were not even still hungry...you just liked the taste of it, and the feeling of it in your mouth. 

I am really liking the results of this 4 day win: it is wild to really analyze/see how I talk myself into things, make excuses for myself to eat things, or plum forget what I ate (that is why the food tracking is so crucial for me at this point).  I know it is ok for me to eat whatever I want to, I do not need to justify it....if I continually do that, I will continue to think like an overweight person, feel guilty about food, reward myself with food, and I wont be able to make this stick.  I am doing this because I WANT to make good choices, feel great about what I eat (no guilt), and also let the food I eat make me feel great (food=fuel, nutrition, nourishment).  It just takes a little (lot) of time for me to get it to sink in.

How about you?  Do you know what you need to do and want to do it, but continue to do something else despite that?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

R1P4D20

LIW and Current Weight 159.4
Daily Loss.9
Food Tracker
Exercise: 50 min swimming (1650m)

So yesterday I was under my BMR again, and I lost so Im back down to my LIW...in fact, if this keeps up, who needs HCG?  Actually, I am really looking forward to starting R2 this weekend, and I really hope that I am able to keep my current level of exercise in place without stalling loss during my next round. 

The suprising thing for yesterday was that I ate a very big lunch (800 cleaning eating calories worth), and I wasn't really hungry for much at dinner, or afterwards.  That was cool...so Im going to try it again today.   It is really cool to see what works for my body and what doesn't.  Whats going to be really interesting is to see how P4 in R2 compares to this one, since I have heard that everyone has different experiences, cravings, food tolerances, etc in each round. 

4 Day Win #2 Update

What I ate:  Bear Naked Chocolate Granola, yesterday, lunch
What I believe: I'm a little hungry, and it doesn't hurt to have three servings of it in one sitting, especially since its right there, and its only 130 calories per 1/4 cup.  It only has good ingredients.
Why it might not be so:  Though the sodium is low, fat is only 4 grams, it has LOTs of sugar and my body doesn't do good with that much sugar (candida, anyone).  It is ok to eat in moderation, but there is no need to gorge on it, especially when there are plenty of good options in the frig.  And you are not evening craving chocolate right now...

Isn't it funny that I am writing about this experience from yesterday's lunch, and here I am eating the granola with abandon as I type this...  Kelly, step back from the bag...it doesnt matter that the bag is almost empty and there aren't more than 2 servings left...get it out of your office...go on, now...

What are you eating with abandon these days?

Monday, April 12, 2010

R1P4D19: 2nd 4 Day Win

LIW 159.4
Daily Gain .7
Above LIW .9
Current Weight 160.3
Food Tracker
Exercise Tracker: Slow walk for 30 minutes pushing kids in double stroller

Sat weight: 158.7 (loss of .7)
Exercise: 70 minutes yoga

Sunday weight: 159.6 (gain of .9)

So I think I have figured out the whole gain/lose thing, at least a little bit....funny that it took me 6 weeks to figure it out.  Turns out when I eat enough calories to reach my BMR (which is about 1550) or go past, I either stay the same weight or gain.  But if I stick to around 1300 calories or below, I lose.  Or at least that is what happened this past weekend (when I reviewed it for 4 days).  I was down to 158.7 (30 LBS LOST!) on Saturday morning, and then have gained (.9 and .7) for the past two days.  Saturday I probably took in around 1900 calories and yesterday was 1685.   And this trend seems to be irrespective of exercise (which is strange).  Sugar could also play into it a bit, since Thur and Friday I didnt have much, and I had more on Sat and Sunday (not a ton, but a cookie and a half, and a few bites of grape water ice).  Im going to keep tracking this closely til R2 starts this upcoming Sat (yes, I got my supplies early! YAY), and then if correct, it should keep me in check after this next round, which will be good. 

R2 will be my last round, I hope, unless I decide to do one in the late fall.  After this round, I plan to train really hard for whatever events I get around to signing up for (2 sprints and an olympic), and then enjoy the fruits of my labor.  I will be racing at least 30 lbs lighter this season (hopefully 60!!!), and I really can't wait to see in what capacity that helps my endurance, my speed, and my overall times. 

And I really have enjoyed during my first 4 day win.  Thanks for those of you that joined me!  I now have a much better grasp on how I actually physically feel, and can tell if I'm physically or psychologically hungry.  I ask myself if I am hungry every time before I eat and while I am eating as well, to make sure I am not putting food in my mouth since its there, and everyone is eating.  I am also trying to be more cognizant of what I am putting in my mouth.  Saturday night I had a bite of bread, and then asked the waiter to take it away, since it was good but not great.  I ordered a martini, but didnt like it so I gave it to Hubby.  Why take in extra calories for something I'm not loving? 

So anyway, its time for our next 4 day win!  ITs called the Not Always So...

Ridiculously easy goal: Every day for the next four days, Ill write down things Ive eaten when Im not hungry.  Ill sit with the memory until I can identify the thought that triggered the eating.  Then Ill think of at least one reason, no matter how far fetched, that my triggering thought might not always be so.

Small Daily Reward:
Monday: Watch Chuck on Tivo (is it new?)
Tuesday: Go to Food Co-op Meeting
Wednesday: Shopping at lunchtime-for something fun!
Thursday: Give myself time to clean office (doesnt sound like a reward, but if its clean, it will reward me a lot!)

Slightly larger 4-day reward: Girls Weekend!!!!!!!

So, to do this one, you have to do the following exercise: Not Always So

1) Link behavior with the lie that drives it
Draw Vertical line down middle of a sheet of paper.  Relax.  Return to a memory of a time when you overate.  Sit with the memory until you can remember why you ate.  Verbalize or write down the thought underlying the decision to eat, such as I have to pay the bills, I am fat anyway, etc...Write it on the left side of the page.

2) Question your thoughts
Write down at least one reason on the right hand side of the page why that thought might not be true.  So instead of I need to pay the bills, it could be I choose to pay the bills, or I am not fat, I weigh more than I would like...etc.

The idea is not to change your behavior, but just to recognize your thinking and decisions based on it and why or why not it might be true.

So, here we go...here is my first one...this is from my past (ill do one later today as needed):

What I ate: Dinner at Applebees that wasnt even good.  App, entree and dessert for $20 and the inlaws were treating.  I chowed down on everything and didn't even feel satisfied.  I was also embarrassed afterwards because there were so many plates in front of me.

Thought that fueled my overeating:  The food is free, and I want to try everything.  If  I dont try it now, next time I might have to pay for it, and might not like it, and that would be bad.  ( I have issues with food AND money, but Im going to work on one thing at a time :).  And everything sounds so good too.

Why this thought may not always be so: As I know now, I do like trying things.  But I also know that I only need a certain amount of calories to fuel my body, and so I need to make good choices.  I can share something I want to try with the whole family.  And my inlaws are so generous, there will be another opportunity to try something else in the future.  And we are blessed to be able to afford food at restaurants, so there is no reason to feel lack.

Happy Monday, ladies! I know this is going to be a great week for all of us!


Friday, April 9, 2010

R1P4D16-Back to LIW

LIW and Current Weight: 159.4
Daily Loss .7
Food Tracker
Exercise: 50 min swimming, 1600m (660 calories)

Greatly decreased my calorie and sodium intake yesterday, having very little prepackaged food, and eating only when I was hungry (for the most part). I completed the third day of my four day win, and am looking forward to my 4 day reward tomorrow night, Date Night!...Ill make sure to post the next 4 day win by Monday (in case I dont post over the weekend), so stay tuned...

Went swimming last night despite my shoulder and neck ache (due to all its use recently, with swimming 2xs a week and yoga) and did really well. My form is coming along, and I did better than both of the occupants of my lane (though that wasnt really saying much). Looking forward to the weekend, though it will be much cooler out, and despite the fact that hubby is working tomorrow. 

Off to a meeting...see you later!
ps...You girls rock!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

3 Month Measurements

Here are my measurements after 3 months (gained 2 inches in waist over last two weeks):


R1P4D15

LIW 159.4
Daily Loss 2.2
Above LIW .7
Current Weight 160.1
Food Tracker: 23oz steak (6oz at lunch, the rest at 5pm), 3 plum tomatoes
Exercise: Nada, unless you include an hour massage as exercise (i sure am sore enough from it)

Steak Day worked again. And it brought me down a little more than the gain, so I have 1.3 lbs to work with before im up again. Ugh. And despite my working out, I'm a little more flabby in my belly and butt than I was during the diet, though my measurements today will tell the tale. I know that Happily Thinner After says its ok to eat high fat, but I think for me that translates to more jiggle-maybe too that will account for more droop, and that would mean less inches-right? ;).

So next weekend is girls weekend...Im going to the Poconos with the girls from my bookclub from Friday night to Sunday morning, and Im SO looking forward to it. I am also really looking forward to loading for P2 when I am there, but I made a serious miscalculation in my ordering of supplies for R2. I have my injection needles and alcohol wipes, I just need vials, mixing syringes and bacteriostatic water. I ordered everything this past Monday, and know that the water is on its way, but I chose the 7-10 shipping option for the other supplies, saving a whooping $4. And FORGOT that I will be injecting when I am loading-starting Friday night. Now how the hell did I do that? So now, I have to PRAY that I get everything by next Friday so I can leave for the weekend ready to chow down...otherwise, I will have to be on good behavior next weekend (NO!-the horror). I haven't even gotten a shipping notice yet, so Im hoping its not 7-10 days from when they ship. What was I thinking?

My mind has been a little unfocused lately (really, thats always the way it is, who am I kidding), and I've been letting things fall through the cracks...like the fact that my sister's birthday is next Saturday, and every day I say I will order her something (like for the past four weeks), and I still haven't. And my sis in laws birthday last month, when i went to order something for her for her birthday the next day, got a work call, hung up from ordering, and then proceeded to forget to order anything, or even wish her a Happy Birthday on her birthday. Yes, Im that good of a SIL. So 'buy sis birthday gift-as well as her hubby' is now written down on todays list...lets just hope I remember to look at the list.

Four Day Win-Day 3-Goal: Hunger Assessment

Hunger assessment: 2-definitely thirsty. Just finished 1/4 cup on Bear Naked Fit Granola

Mood assessment: Ok-looking forward to a nice day, nervous about what to eat today, as nothing is really cooked

Physical assessment: sore from massage and from stressed muscles in back and neck from swimming and yoga, very humid-could be contributing to my slight headache

Today, my goals are to work on being the observer, and to keep my wild child in check re her food intake. Also want to work on eating only when I am physically hungry, keep my water intake high due to the heat, not worry about eating during a specific meal time, and not continuing to eat when I am satiated just because the food tastes good (or because I am stressed, bored, tired, etc).

What are you working on today?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

R1P4D14

LIW 159.4
Daily Gain 1.8
Above LIW 2.9
Current Weight 162.3
Food Tracker
Exercise: 3.86 miles walking 3 ml/hr pace

Love watching that weight go up so much in one day, not!...and then having to decide if today will be a steak day, or high protein day, or high fat day, or whatever...Its enough to drive a girl insane. And tonight is book club, and my 1st real massage since December, so even if I do a streak day, Ill be tempted by wine and good food, and probably gain due to massage anyway. Decisions...decisions...

Ill probably do a steak day just since I know it works, and pray that it will bring me down more than just the 1.8 I gained, so that I wont have to do another in a few days. Can't believe its only Wed, and its time to do another one (after doing one on Sun)-though I guessed last night that this would happen. And maybe Ill lay off exercising today (since Im tired!), and see if that helps as well. I've been doing something every day for these past few weeks, and I have to remember to take a few breaks in order to let my body recover. Im hoping that Ill be able to continue my workouts (walking, swimming and yoga) in R2P2 without gaining...didnt seem to work last time, but they are established routines now, so who knows?

And re the gain, I got to 1850 calories yesterday...and gained. So is the gain from the calories or from what I was eating? Do I really need to stay at my BMR calories forever no matter how much I work out in order to not gain? Im going to have to test that one out...eat about 2400 calories in a day eating completely P3 clean (and avoiding dairy since it seems to make a difference), and see what happens. But not today...today a 20 oz sirloin marinated in braggs, garlic and sea salt has my name on it. Again.

And I guess it won't matter if Im hungry or not...though Ill still ask 3 times today so I can reward myself with book club tonight! And just look at the food there instead of partaking...*sigh*.

2nd day of 1st 4 day win:
Hunger assessment: Not so much, maybe a 4
Mood assessment: Pissed about weight gain, hoped for it not to happen
Physical assessment: Little headache, little dehydrated...need to get some water.

Happy Hump Day...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Skinny Mini, Demon Lady, and Fatty

4 day win 1st day update:

So I definitely was able to ask myself how hungry I was feeling...probably did it about 10 times today, every time I went to the kitchen to get some food. And sometimes I turned around and headed back into my office, and sometimes I did feel hungry, and so I sat down and ate. Its strange, I find myself headed to the kitchen at times I designate as breakfast, lunch, dinner...since I think I need to eat then. I realize that most times in the past when I eat, Im not hungry, its just 'that time'.

I treated today as an observation day, and did not judge when I decided to eat when I wasn't physically hungry. The first time was during lunch when I kept eating pita chips and hummus since they tasted good and the texture felt good in my mouth). And tonight, when I ate one of my MIL's mini cheesecakes leftover from Easter (DELICIOUS!) since my littlest didn't want his, and the wrapper was already off it...and then, on my own accord, because I wanted to taste that deliciousness again, when I ate another one after dinner. And for dinner, even, my mind made my body think it was ravenous, when I know that I wasnt overly hungry. I just (psychologically) needed to eat more food, and I did. I had two ears of corn and lots of kielbasa. But I did say no to the garlic bread my husband offered me. So strange and enlightening...though I knew I wasn't hungry, I chose to eat more, for whatever reason, fully knowing that I might have to do a steak day tomorrow. It was all up to me...well up to my wild child that wanted to pig out.
But then again, its always up to me. I am in control of my actions, my thoughts. I can change them. I can get my mind to start to get in touch with my body and its physical needs, and start eating for fuel. And I can get my body to eat for pleasure as well when I need sustenance. I can stop when I start to feel full. I can get myself to eat only when I feel hungry. I only need to put my intentions towards it, direct my focus on it, and PRACTICE without judgement.

Yes, I know it sounds hokey...but if I say it, and then get myself to believe it, its gonna come true. You can count on it.

ps-I try to be really positive and forward thinking in my posts, because (full disclosure here), I believe in the law of attraction and that what I put forth will come back to me. So don't be put off by all the I can do it talk...in terms of thinking you can't...I have all that talk too-so much so, but Im making a conscious effort to change it. And to fully be the observer, not just with Ms.Wild Child and the Dictator that Martha Beck talks about in her book (a future 4 day win), I want to name my inner criticizing bitch and my extra 30 lbs, just like the heroine of one of my favorite blogs, Me, Drazil and Sheniqua does...so Im taking suggestions. What do you think would be a good name for my inner demon...and that extra 30lbs Im carrying...I really dont like the ones in the title...

pss-since I did my 1st day easy goal, Im off to watch Chuck on Tivo...have a wonderful night.

R1P4D13- My first 4 Day Win!

LIW 159.4
Daily Gain .4
Above LIW 1.1
Current Weight 160.5
Food Tracker
Exercise: 1 hr slow walking (pushing a jogging stroller with my 44lb son); 1600m Swim (55 min)

Still trying to figure out this gain when I eat ok and gain when I don't phenomenom. I need to look back on my food choices to figure out what really causes me to lose, and then eat more of that I suppose. At this point, I eat very little sugar, drink very little alcohol, haven't had many grains or breads (maybe one piece every week), and the majority of my carbs come from vegetables. In R1P4, I'm not overally concerned with this, as Im going to start P2 in two weeks. But after R2, I definitely want to get to a place where I can eat what I like in moderation and not worry about big scale jumps. I do not want to have to keep cycling on HCG, as long as I stick with a healthy, freshly prepared, fresh, local, and organic ingredients diet. And in addition to that, according to Martha Beck, I need to get to a place where thinking about food does not control my every waking moment. Obsession with food and greatly limiting my food choices only leads my little wild child to want to rebel and overeat, and once I'm done with this diet, I want to break free of this pattern of obsession.

And so to start this process, we are going to do our first day win (thanks, Mommygonemilf, for joining me! any other takers?).

For any four day win, you are to come up with a 1) ridiculously easy goal (broken down in 1/2 or even 1/4 of what you think the goal should be, so that you roll your eyes, its so easy), 2) your daily reward(s) for accomplishing the goal-based on physical objects (not food) and pleasureable activities-and then 3) a four day reward, again not based on food. You need to make sure the reward and the action are linked. And you need to make sure you give yourself the reward if you succeed AND of course, not give yourself the reward if you dont (the first one is the one I always forget to do). The once you complete the form I have here:

You need to post it in at least 3 places: ie your bathroom mirror, refrigerator door, and your car dashboard.
Easy Peasy, right?

I am going to do the ones recommended by Martha, and then start to come up with my own. So feel free to do the one I am doing, or come up with one for yourself following the rules above. For her first few 4 day wins, you have to have the book, so I'm just going to post the ones that do not require any extra reading. And while the goal will be the same for us following along, my rewards will be for me...you can put in anything you like.

Without further ado, here it is! My first 4 day Win:

Ridiculously Easy Goal: Each day for the next 4 days, I'll notice what Im feeling physically and emotionally. Ill rate my hunger level from 0 to 10 at least 3 times a day.

Right now, my hunger is:
0   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10
not hungry                          ravenous

Repeat this 4 day win until you can name your hunger score and differentiate it from an emotion based eating urge, under any circumstance. Then feel free to move on...

Small Daily Reward: (gosh, these non food rewards are hard to figure out for me):
Tuesday: Watching Chuck on Tivo
Wednesday: Book Club with the girls (very motivating to make this a reward)
Thursday: 15 minutes to spend on internet shopping-for a bike or bench for dining room
Friday: 30 minutes to spend catching up on my blogroll- I havent had a chance to comment on my bloggy peeps for a while!

Slightly Larger 4 Day reward: Movie Night with Hubby on Saturday

Now, you might be saying, how am I supposed to figure out if my hunger is emotional or physical? At least, I know I said that, and Im a health and nutrition coach! You might think it would be easy for me, but for so long, the two of those have been so ingrained in my psyche, that it is hard for me to figure it out. And Im so in my head most of the time, that its hard to notice my physical body unless I am in pain. So here are some exercises directly from the book to figure it out:

Learn to speak creature (your body is the creature, your mind is the computer):
1)Let yourself relax for 10 minutes. Do this after you have eaten, since you need to go without food for 15 minutes.
2) Describe, or write down, in very precise words, the feelings in your hands and feet (temp, texture, shape, discomfort words)...
3) Allow your attention to travel from your hands and feet to your torso and head. Describe in word the physical feelings your observe in your body as a whole. Allow both good and bad feelings to be described without resistance.
4) Remaining relaxed, describe what you are feeling emotionally. If you cannot tell, return your attn to the least comfortable part of your body. Breathe into the discomfort. Allow it to get bigger. Continue this until you sense the emotion connected to the discomfort. Describe that emotion in words (this was a tough one for me and my computer mind).
5) Breathe deeply, relax, and notice on a purely physical level you are not hungry.

At this point, the exercise is just to notice the sensation. If you feel the urge to eat as a result of feeling these emotions, she indicates its ok, as long as you wait until the 10 minutes it takes to complete the exercise (the questions above, and the documentation of your physical hunger level).

For me, 1st hunger assessment, 9:47am:
Right now, I am not physically hungry, maybe a 3. However, I am thinking about food, and psychologically hungry. I want something in my mouth...so Im off to get a piece of gum after I drink my 8oz of water.

Anyway, off to do some work. Will post on this some more tomorrow...feel free to share your reactions, goals, rewards, etc in comments...

Monday, April 5, 2010

R1P3D12-Crazy Weight Weekend

LIW 159.4 Daily loss 3.7
Above LIW .7
Current Weight 160.1
Food Tracker: 16oz steak, 3 plum tomatoes
Exercise: Light walk 1mil

Sat weight: 162
Sat Exercise: 70min yoga, 1hr walking 3ml/hr pace

Sunday weight 163.8

Hi, my darling bloggy peeps, did you have a good weekend (aka Easter for those of you that celebrate)? I did, and I didn't. I really enjoyed spending time with my family, the weather was amazing, we did lots of fun things, but yesterday, on Easter, I had a STEAK DAY-UGH!!!! And it was a please, fingers crossed, I hope this works steak day, because I really should have done one on Sat, but I didn't. Instead, on Sat, after gaining 1.8 lbs (1.5 after the bathroom) the day before, bringing me to 2.6 lbs above LIW, I didn't eat all day, and then enjoyed a wonderful meal out at my favorite restaurant for date night. I agonized over that for about two hours...whether or not to cancel the reservation. But I decided not too, as I need to be able to eat normally, without worrying about steak days in real life, and go on. So we went. And I didn't go crazy with my food...I definitely ate less than I could have (I wasnt full), and ate lots of protein and fat, and had only had two glasses of wine (which normally dehydrate me and make me lose?). Then Sunday, I was up another 1.8! For a total of 4.4 lbs above LIW! Boy, talk about me freaking out. And deciding that I can only go to that restaurant once a month, and hubby and I might need to do something other than eat on date nights...get your mind out of the gutter!

So, anyway, I knew it was now or never yesterday, and despite all the wonderful food at my hubby's parents for Easter Lunch, I didn't eat a thing. I sat at the table while they were eating lunch and dessert, which was hard. I then went over to Wegman's during a walk with my MIL, bought my steak, and enjoyed my family's company back at their house til 4:30, when I rushed us out so I could go home (sorry Mom and Dad, hope I wasnt too rude, I was just hungry!), cook my steak on the grill after marinating it in Bragg's, Garlic and Sea Sat, and hope it worked today-and boy did it!

Ive never lost that much on a steak day before, so I must have been retaining a TON of water. I was almost ready to buy the Holiday Correction Day ebook from ThinnereverAfter.com yesterday since I didn't think the weight was going to come off today. Do any of you have it? Did you find a lot of good tips/tricks in it? I hesitated about buying the normal Correction Day ebook, since I dont like eggs, and already know about chicken day, cheese and apple day, steak day, and all of the egg days. Maybe those of you could comment about whether or not there are other things in there that might work for me (enough for me to purchase it?). It would definitely be helpful as I prepare to go into R2 (and want to get down to 155 before then).

During dinner last night, I also starting reading Martha Beck's Four Day Win. I am really enjoying it, and plan to incorporate many of the 4 day wins into my lifestyle and report on them here. For any of you that want to join me, I would love it, and you could comment here, on your blog, or even do a guest post to talk about your progress/results. You can do the four days wins no matter what type of diet or lifestyle change you are doing-the book is more about giving you tools to assess and change the way you think (and truly feel) about your body and dieting in order to support your thinner self, and not sabotage your efforts. This is especially important for those of us that have lost weight in the past and regained it all back...or for those of us scared of that happening...both of which are true for me. To find out more about four day wins, and why they work, check out this article.

I will post every four day win here...and I will be easy on myself and only do one every four days- though I want to do lots more, all at the same time, since Im already on chapter 9! Yes, Im the typical overachiever that never really finishes anything because I have too many balls in the air, and too many areas of focus- Ill be working on that as well.

Our first one will start tomorrow...who's with me?

ps...In the words of Martha Beck:

Getting past rebound dieting means choosing kind perceptiveness when our reflexive responses—and those taught by most diet advisers—are to resist and control. Paradoxically, effective change begins with acceptance of everything that makes up our lives at any present moment. It's really true: Love, in the form of kindness to ourselves, is what never fails.

Be Kind to yourself today...

Friday, April 2, 2010

R1P4D8

LIW 159.4
Daily Loss .4
Above LIW 1.1
Current Weight 160.5
Food Tracker
Exercise: 70 minute walking 3 ml/hr pace; 1 hour swimming

Thanks for your concern LavenderDiva, my foot is feeling a little better. And yesterday, I just had to get out of the house at lunchtime to enjoy the good weather, or to escape the feeling of being overwhelmed-by work, my 5 yr old, the mess that is my house, alll the stuff in the house that I have no time to sort through.

This week has been so busy, and I'm craving some down time, which doesn't look like its coming any time soon (unless I start getting up at 5 and going to bed at midnight every night). Every weekend in April is already booked, and work is going to be crazy since we are locking two databases in the next two months, and there is so much to do to make that happen.

So in order to make sure I have me time, the other stuff that isn't so important to get done (like organizing the house) gets put on the back burner...and after a while, that is the task that gets to be so important, so as which not to drive me insane...and then the other responsibilities I have get shoved aside, only to be worried about and guilted over since Im not doing them. And while my hubby is a dear, he needs to be strongly encouraged (aka guilted) into doing things around the house...and then he gets frustrated at me, and ...what a mess! At these times I just need to remember to breathe, count my blessings, and know that everything will work itself out.

On the agenda for today, lots of work, lunchtime walk, First Friday tonight downtown, then bed by 10. Tomorrow, hubby is taking my oldest for the opening of kids fishing at Fanny Chapman, while I go to yoga...and then he is off to play golf with his dad. Date night follows at our favorite restaurant (seated outside-yay for nice 80 degree weather tomorrow), and then early bed to be ready for the Easter Bunny. I cant wait to see whats in my basket ;)...

Hope you guys have a great holiday weekend, and treat yourself well no matter what you eat or how you feel about what you eat!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

R1P4D8-TOM finally arrives

LIW 159.4
Daily Loss .7
Above LIW 1.5
Current Weight 160.9
Food Tracker
Exercise: Nada-does thinking about it count?

So TOM was 8 days late this month...and my main concern was that he would catch me unaware and I would be caught without protection and in white pants. Not that I wear white pants yet (nothing to do with the date, moreso the size of my butt), but you get the point (and I will wear them this summer :)!). Im a little bloated, but no big cramps like normal, and the bitchiness, as you know, was two weeks early and then went away. Next TOM I will be on P2, so it will be interesting to see how it changes once again next month.

My foot is still in pain, and thus I decided to forgo weight bearing exercise yesterday, and instead soak it in a hot bath and go to swimming tonight instead. I am still going to try to walk this afternoon at lunchtime, but have a feeling I wont be able to go too far. Maybe I'll put my spin bike on the deck and ride it in the beautiful weather...can't go for a real bike ride today since my oldest is home for Easter break and I can't leave him by himself and he still doens't know how to ride a bike, even one with training wheels (and the real shame is he doesnt want to learn :(...

Tonight I'm excited to pick up my first food collection from the Doylestown Food Club. Its a food club that orders from lots of different local producers (farms, diary, co-ops, etc) and goes and picks them up and delivers them to a school near me for pickup. It saves members a lot of driving to different places, allows us to eat local and sometimes organic and support the community. And they hope to form a co-op about 3 blocks from where I live...I'm really excited about that! Maybe I could be their resident health counselor...
if you are local and want to find out more about it, visit here .

And if you want to find a local farm or buying club in your area, you can check out these links from my website http://www.flyingdragonwellness.com/ :

Find A Natural Food Coop Near You http://www.coopdirectory.org/
To find a CSA (community supported agriculture) or Farmers Market close to you: http://www.localharvest.org/ , http://www.sare.org/

Here's to eating local, healthy, and hopefully, 100% organic this summer.  And most importantly, to looking and feeling fabulous!