Skip Day

So I'm down another .9 lb for a total of 182.5 lbs. This rocks!

I'm feeling good this morning. Yesterday, I was so hungry! It started around 10:30am and it didn't subside til almost 5:30pm. I drank more water, but it didn't help. I think it was due to stress, as Kieran was home due to illness and he was fussy, and then I had to pick up Connor and his friend Kameron from school and Connor was not on his best behavior.

It is recommended to take potassium 99mg three times a day to avoid hunger per the protocol, but the potassium I ordered over a week ago from vitanetonline.com hasn't arrived despite their promise to ship within 48 hours and send priority mail. I should have had my shipment two days ago, so I will not be ordering from them again (sorry for the rant, but hey, its my blog, right?).

Anyway, I'm hoping that I do not get hungry this morning, especially as this is the first day I skipped my injection in hope to ward off immunity, and I'm in the office today. (For those on the 43 day protocol, a skip day should to occur once a week to make sure the HCG is effective for all 40 injections). Fingers crossed that I don't have any immunity this round.

For my next round, I will probably take the HCG sublingually, which is better for avoiding immunity, and cheaper, since I wont have to buy the injection supplies (or for that matter, give myself any injections, though they do not bother me at all!). But who knows, some of my research also says that you lose less weight that way, so I'll have to look into it further. Definitely don't want to be doing this much restricting if it doesnt work as well!

Thought for the day: What can you do for yourself this second to feel relaxed? Close your eyes and take a deep breath (or 3). Doesn't that feel nice?

VLCD Day 4

Down to 183.4 this morning. Got out the Wii Fit to measure myself since I cannot rely on my other scale, which this morning reported 184 once and then 183 3 times...so it was close, but not close enough.

Little hungry, but that will be solved after I have my first cup of tea. Kieran is home sick today so I am going to be working furiously this morning while Mark is here and then he will be going to work at 12. Fun day! Heres to no stress eating today :(. And here's to hoping that Kieran's nose bleed clears up.

40 days and counting

One day 3 of VLCD, and down 5 lbs from my highest loading weight. Down 2.5 lbs from my starting weight (I know, all this confusing terminology)...In other words, the scale said 184 this morning. Though that's after it said 182.5 twice, which means that I need to get a new scale since 1.5 lbs off is a big deal. But boy was I excited for that 182.5. So that's just what Ill see tomorrow, right?

Trying to decide how strict I am going to be on this protocol. Kevin Trudeau modified the original protocol in his book the Weight Loss Cure, and it allows for a number of things that Simeon's original protocol did not. As a result, the HCG board that I am following has all of these wonderful recipes for dressings, broth, and the like that I do not have access to if I stick with Simeon. But as Simeon is a doc, and his protocol was found successful for thousands (all under the care of a doctor), I think I'm more apt to go with the original protocol and leave all the other stuff for P3.

By the way, just in case you are confused, here's a key to the lingo:

Loading Day: Days 1 and 2 of your injections. Eat as much fat as you can (gorge) and don't worry about the calories. You should GAIN weight during these two days.

VLCD: very low calorie diet (not to exceed 500 calories-dont try this at home unless you are following the protocol). Followed for a minimum of 23 days. Most choose either 23 or 43 day cycles. Simeons indicated that the user was to go for 40 injections max or a max loss of 34 lbs.

P1: Cleansing period (optional) before injections. For 30 days
P2: Loading days and VLCD days
P3: Stabilization. For 3 weeks after VLCD. No sugar or starch allowed.
P4: Maintenance. Eat whatever you like, though if you gain +/- 2 lbs in 24 hrs, you need to make changes as defined in protocol.

No full on hunger yet, though those psychological twinges still plague me. It would help if the house wasn't full of sugar and dairy (thanks to Connor and Mark), and if the kids didnt leave there uneaten food all over the house. But since I will be surrounded with it for the rest of my life, might as well get used to it.

Candida seems to be clearing up (YAY!), and today is the first time that I will be heading to the grocery store on the VLCD (I like saying that, the letters roll off the tongue). Hope its better than my foray into cooking while on VLCD. Boy did I want more than my 100gms of meat during lunch yesterday. I have to make sure I go right after lunch so I won't be tempted, though I am only buying my stuff when I go, which should help.

There was a time in my life (my 20's) where I thought I would kill myself if I ever made it to 150lbs, and here I am just praying that 160 is in my grasp for this first round.

VLCD Day 2

Is it possible that I am already bored of my diet choices? I have been on this diet for only two days and I have already been thinking of coming off since I want to have so many more choices of what to eat. So much for my saying I can do anything for 40 days!

God grant me the determination and fortitude to stick with this.

Back down to 186.5 this morning. For lunch, 100gm chicken, apple, breadstick, and a handful of romaine. For tonight, I get to have 100gm of beef, and I might go to the store to get strawberries. Woo Hoo, its a party!

On the home front, Kieran has a terrible cold (wheezing, snot dripping, fever), and Mark has a stomach bug. It's been a fun day! Here's to the next 41 of them.

I want to EAT!

Psychologically, that is. You don't know how many times today I almost reached over and had:..., whatever it was that was there, that Connor didn't finish, that was on the counter, or in the frig when I got Kieran's lunch out, or the candy cane on the Christmas tree that I was taking down. It was and is SO HARD not to just mindlessly eat. I never realized how much I eat mindlessly until today. Yes, I try to be mindful when I eat, when I consciously decide to have a meal, I should say. But just those little crumbs lying around, or the pretzel stick that Kieran tries to feed me. Well, I definitely haven't been mindful of those times....

So I'm not hungry right now. Even though all I have had today has been 1.5 liters of water, 16 oz tea, 100gm of chicken, 4 grape tomatoes, 1 grissino breadstick, and an apple. No, the real hunger is in my mind. Telling me I want to eat, I have to eat, what about all the things in the frig that were for me that are still there...OMG! I want to eat when Connor is having a tantrum, when Kieran is screaming. If I didn't recognize it before today, I know now that I am a stress eater. So this diet will be a great experiment. Can I outwit my mind to do what my body needs?

This morning: 189. Gained 2.5lbs loading. Heck of a night last night: full of wine, wit and chocolate chile creme brule. Thanks for the belated birthday night out, girls!

Loading Day 2

Up a pound from yesterday, and thats whats suppposed to happen. Funny I tried to stuff myself yesterday, but I really didn't want too. And then we went out with my husbands parents for dinner last night and when I was ordering, I was embarassed to be getting so much fatty food. The really embarassing thing was when I realized that I normally order that much food when we go out without batting an eye. For me, that was a mind blowing realization...so simple, really, but I realized that I tend to hoard food when we go out...as if we wont go out to eat again for a long time and I need to order as much food as I can. Who knows, but I definitely think this diet will teach me a lot about how I think and feel about food.

THIS is what a Triathlete looks like

...At least for this triathlete!
Day 1, HCG Protocol, Before Pics

Injection Day 1/Measurements

So after stressing for the last few weeks, I just gave myself my first injection and it was easy and painless. Had a very mild injection reaction (little rash and burning) 5 minutes or so, but other than that, all is good. Somehow now I have to binge eat for the next two days, when for the last week or so I haven't felt much like eating at all. Also, I need to drink at least 3L of water (96oz) a day.

I took all my measurements this morning, and will share them with you here...all figures are in inches if not indicated.

Weight: 186.5 lbs
Fat % (not sure how accurate, as I haven't tested my scale): 42.5
Clothing Size: Women's 14-16 (most often the latter)
RT 26
LT 26.5
RA 15
LA 15
Chest 38.5
Waist 34
Neck 14.25
Calf 15
Ankle 9
Stomach (at belly button)37.5
Hips 44.5

Heres a link to the protocol I'm doing in case you are interested, and I'm also posting a video by a Naturopathic Dr that performs this protocol with his patients so you can get an idea of what I'm doing (so Mom, its ok! Don't worry!):

HCG Weight Loss Therapy from DocBron on Vimeo.

Here's to seeing the 130s by April, just in time to start training...

VLCD starts this Sat...gorging tomorrow!

Filled with nervous anticipation and anxiety over the start of my diet tomorrow. I have to weigh myself upon waking, take all my measurements, take my first injection (yes, I will share all of the details soon), and then gorge myself for the next two days in order to build up my normal fat stores (which will allow the abnormal ones to be released starting day 3...).

I will be starting the VLCD (very low calorie diet) on Saturday, and continuing it until Feb 17 (43 days total). Then three weeks of Phase 3 (no sugar or starches), 3 weeks of Phase 4 (anything in moderation), and then back to Phase 2 (VLCD with injections) for a second round of treatment. My ultimate goal is to shed 60 lbs (depending on how effective the protocol is for me, this could range from 40 to 60) by April 30th.

Ill post all of my measurements tomorrow. Dont worry, this is safe, over 30,000 people have done it in the last 35 years...Im testing its efficacy on me so that I might be able to share it with you. You know me, the full service health counselor :) tri mom.

New Year New Me

Well not exactly new me, but definitely a me that is ready to make the changes I need in order to feel more fulfilled and to feel more full...of energy, enthusiasm, determination, love and to feel less negativity, self loathing, guilt, and fear. How does that sound?

And to that end, I have a rather radical plan that I will be following over the next few months that will have me 30 lbs lighter and ready to rock my 2010 tri season... Kelly's year of the olympic. Stay tuned... I'll share my progress weekly and ( gasp) pics throughout the process for any of you that might be interested (mainly for my benefit, for full disclosure, for accountability, and to make sure I never let myself get to this point again).

Wish me fortitude and fun!

Off season

Lately, its been all I could do to get to the gym, and I haven't been back for Masters since my last Tri (that's on the agenda for this month). But I am working on staying focused on my health (that's a hard one for me, despite my background and training-since I am a food addict), and have come up with my get FIT, FUN, and FABULOUS(triple F) plan:

1) Be mindful/conscious, especially when eating
2) Be open and honest
3) Move My Body daily
4) Drink lots of water (and no soda!!!!)
5) Set realistic and specific goals and measure them on a defined schedule
6) Make my health a priority
7) Get a monthly (if not more) massage
8) Cook More -whole, organic, luscious foods
9) Eat Out less
10)Love my body daily (through words, movement, praise, gentleness, and physicality)
11) FORGIVE MYSELF
12) Set the example for my children
13) Be UNAFRAID, or be afraid and do it anyway :)
14) Bask in the brillant light emanating from my soul :):) (two smiles for that one)
15) Stop rewarding myself with food
16) Talk about my feelings so I dont stuff them with food
17) DANCE!!!!
18) Listen to great music!

Granted, this is what I need to get myself to triple F, and I will add to it as I think of things, but feel free to adapt it to your needs too. I actually wrote these steps in a great book I am reading by Janice Taylor, called Our Lady Of Weight Loss. She is a weight loss artist, and instead of stuffing herself with food, she makes art out of it. She reminded me that this process is supposed to be fun and freeing, and its about be true to yourself and letting go of all of the shame, guilt, blame, and fear associated with excess weight (and a sad heart).

So after I bask in the glow of my new fabulousness, I plan to (goal setting, see number 5):

Lose 30-40 lbs (if it works, Ill share my secrets in 2010)-yes I know I need to be more specific here, but ill do that starting mid-January

Go to Masters Swim at least 3 times per month starting in Dec 2009

Run .5 miles more every week until I get to 4 miles starting February 2010...on my way to training for my first Olympic Distance Tri next season.

Ill post my before pics here for you after I get the nerve to take them that is...

Swim Lesson #4 comments

Kelly

Very good to see you and despite not swimming as much as I would like, you are making good progress - you are very coachable! I was most happy with the beginning of a real FLOW in your stroke. You are now controlling your body AND doing it less mechanically...more fluidly. As everything in swimming directly/indirectly affects the body position, small corrections now bring great results! Your head is much lower in the water and your head/spine line is looking fish-like.
Initially, you were entering too early in the front (near your ear), but we made the correction to allow the high elbow position carry further to the front before getting wet - this resulted in several important advances:

- hands going back UP to YOUR balance spot of +/- 5"
- arms reaching more straight into your corners, not crossing into the middle
- hips able to rotate easier around your whole body line

The next aspect we unlocked was a slight hesitation of your hands when they initially touch the surface. You are now reaching THROUGH the surface and out into your balance corners - this did amazing things for your fluidity... I hope it felt good. It allowed you to have a more natural cadence resulting in more speed - no extra effort.... ****Your left side is the most to blame!!

Although the Finis snorkel will take a nose plug to work for you, please pick one up and work some time into your swim withe snorkel - the whole purpose is to take your mind COMPLETELY off of needing to breath and onto the stroke dynamics. This is a powerful effect and is used by athletes through the Olympic level.

The SWIMITTS are REALLY great for you - keep it up. Interestingly, I gave them to a young stud this morning at the Y. This kid is in his 30s and we bother each other, as we are both a bit competitive - he can swim... Swam through college... I could tell he thought they were silly and did not give me much after swimming a few 200s with them on... BUT, when he took them off and swam his final 200, he stopped and told me that he was REALLY FEELING IT. He liked them.. cool. They work. They will continue to stretch you out and deepen your understanding of the catch dynamics. Use them for ANY distance (even long) and then remove them immediately (as we did) and continue swimming THE SAME WAY.... Allow them to work on you!

Last, I want to advance you and keep you challenged and motivated... Please get in the pool without Masters once and a while and have a Kelly Swim Day. Practice the corkscrew. This drill will make you a much better freestyler and keep your muscles loose via protagonism and antagonism. The pivotal point is the moment of transition - keep a tight core and a long reach. Feel the streamline and the body rotation during freestyle and match it when doing upside down freestyle. Enjoy this drill... At least 100 meters per session....

Keep the faith, girl...

Full Disclosure

I originally starting doing TRIs to give myself a goal that would keep me working out consistently. And the more expensive the race, the better, because I hate to lose money, and that would just add to my motivation. But honestly, the most important reason I wanted to do this was to lose weight....to release weight, to stop weighing myself down (as I heard on the biggest loser tonight). I am a health coach. I know what to do to lose weight...much more than I would ever need to know. I need to move more and eat less. I need to eat whole organic foods. I need to avoid diet sodas (since I have reactions to artificial sweeteners). I need to find space and time to meditate and be with myself. And I need to forgive myself for not being perfect.

But it is so much easier to keep eating and bury the pain down under the food. And to tell myself that I am doing the right things, and I just cant lose the weight. And to focus on everything else but my real issues.

I am AFRAID. AFRAID of my power, my brilliance, attention, succeeding, failing, feeling limited, looking amazing, losing my husband, or even worse, leaving him.

I am SAD. Sad that I was not able to breastfeed my son after everything I tried with my diet failed to stop his eczema and his allergies. Sad that I feel like I failed him. Sad that I feel like I failed myself. Sad that I don't put him to bed anymore because it reminds me of what I am not able to do. Sad that I will not be having more children (due to choice not biology). Sad that I felt so beautiful in my big, pregnant body, and so ugly in the same body when I am not pregnant.

All of this came out after my massage today. I asked my therapist who has experience with Reiki and Chakra balancing to get my body ready to release the weight I have been holding onto. And he asked about my breastfeeding due to something he was sensing during the massage. After hearing the story, he told me that I need to accept that I gave my best to my son, and continue to do so. That Kieran loves me no matter what, and I give him everything he needs. That I need to forgive myself, and allow myself to heal. And I cried. And I am still crying. I need to release this, I need to be honest about it, and I need to ask for love and support to get me past this and to a place where I love and accept myself unconditionally no matter if I am 185 pounds or more or less.

And then maybe I won't have injuries throughout the season...because I now believe they were due to energetics more than physical issues...and then I can work to release my fears and the weight...and then subsequently be a better Triathlete. I want to set a good example for my children, I want to be the best and the strongest I can be, and I want to feel peace in my heart.

So here I go.

Hard to focus

When life gets in the way of training, what do you do? I try to refocus, and take my training one day at a time. But lately, that has meant I havent gone to the gym, and Ive been spending more time resting my body than working it. That is good and bad. Obviously, I have needed the rest, especially as I have been sleeping 8-12 hours a night for the last few weeks if I can. It is as if my body is fighting something off and it needs all that extra rest it can get (or could it be my infant son waking me up at least once a night that still leaves me unrested?). But at this point, especially as the 1/2 marathon is looming only 4 weeks away, I need to get my butt back to the gym, get my body moving.

Last night was Masters, and I was on my way there, right after I took a little rest that is, and wouldnt you know it, but I woke up at 7am this morning to realize I missed it. And tonight is Happy Hour, a funky dance/movement class that I intend to go to at 6pm. But I have a massage scheduled for 4:30. Wonder if that will energize me or make me drive home to bed again?

Needless to say, I have been to the doctor, and have a few things going on, but nothing that should affect my energy. Perhaps it is the dread of doing the 1/2 marathon when I was plagued with injury and pain all during my tri season...and I doubt my ability to finish. Or maybe its just that Im a lazy butt that enjoys TV in the evening with my family more than working out? Probably both, but I am committed to at least trying to get back to my training (dont you like that-committed to trying). I know, there is no TRY, only TRI and DO (and DU-but thats another blog)...

Zipping through the forest

Mark took me to a ropes course at Spring Mountain for an early birthday outing yesterday, and we had such a great time. We zip lined through the forest 6 times, taking in the beautiful fall day, and performed ropes challenges (one was extremely tough) that didn't feel like much work but my body is telling me today definitely was. I love working out without consciously doing it! Now if only I could train for a triathlon without knowing it, right?